Much is being made of the Steubenville rape case, and the
media’s reaction to it. I am heartened to hear how vocally disgusted most
people seem to be with the rape apologists in the main stream media (and, holy
lord, they are everywhere) and with all the sympathy given to the young rapists.
Even the Yahoo! News comments section, where decency goes to die (it should
really be their trademarked tagline), seems to be trending towards those wondering
where in the world the sympathy and worry for the victim’s forever changed life
is. *I am editing this to add that I have also seen plenty of victim-blaming, slut-shaming, and drunk-shaming happening, but this is not the majority of what I am seeing, and certainly none of that nonsense is on my Facebook feed or other places where I encounter people I like and respect.
The fact of the matter is, these young men’s lives are
forever tarnished and ruined, but it is not because they received a
well-deserved conviction for raping an intoxicated young woman who was slipping
in and out of consciousness. Not only
did they violate her, they recorded it, photographed it, and sent it around as
text messages. Some of their friends who did not participate in the actual
sexual assault helped with continuing to degrade and devalue this young woman
by laughing about it, recording it, and passing it along. She was not a person
deserving of respect to them. She was an object to use however they pleased.
All of the young men involved are guilty of that, and so help me, I wish they
all had to spend a little time in juvenile detention and run around as registered
sex offenders.
Yes, the two rapists will forever have to register as sex
offenders. Some people seem to think that this is an injustice. I think the one
year sentences are an injustice. In one year, are they going to learn to see
other people as human beings worthy of kindness and gentleness, regardless of
how female and/or drunk they may be? In one year, are we going to be able to
undo the years of damage that a culture that cries at the INJUSTICE of their
conviction for spending hours treating another human being as a prop has
caused? Many people, particularly in the MSM, shake their heads and talk about
what a shame it is that their lives are ruined, and that this will be with them
for the rest of their days. Yet, where is the head shaking over the fact that
they did it? These are not innocent youths wrongly convicted. These are boys
who were taught that they were special and above the laws of the state and
common human decency because they are athletically gifted. It is reported that
they are good students as well. First of all, so what? Secondly, forgive me if
I sound a little jaded here, but these kids had adults who were trying to cover
up a GANG RAPE for them. Is it really so far-fetched that their grades could be
padded? I’m sure they didn’t have to be model students to receive model student
grades and perks. They may actually have been, and they may not have been, but
it doesn’t change the fact that they REPEATEDLY VIOLATED A YOUNG WOMAN.
This fact is the real shame. They have ruined their own
lives, and, more importantly, what they did to this girl will be with her for
the rest of her life. Through no fault of her own, she was sexually assaulted,
humiliated, and has to live with the fact that not only did all that happen to
her, but that many people saw pictures and videos of her degradation. She will
need counseling, she may very well end up with trust issues and issues around
her own sexuality and sexual maturity, she is now at a much higher risk for
suicide, depression, anxiety, and eating disorders, amongst other issues. Let
me repeat that first part for the slow people in the audience, THROUGH NO FAULT
OF HER OWN. Being drunk, being high, wearing something alluring, wearing red
lipstick, walking home in the dark, going anywhere alone, hanging out with
guys, etc. etc. are actually not versions of consent.
Men do not rape women for these reasons. They are the red
herrings of a culture of rape apologists, and every lawyer who has ever
defended a guilty rapist thanks society for creating them. Rapists may use
these things as excuses, but rape is about control and seeing someone as less
than you. When someone violates another human being, it is not because they
were so irresistibly drawn to that person that they couldn’t help themselves,
or they were confused about whether someone who had vomited all over herself and
was no longer conscious wanted to have sex. No. They do it because what they
want is more important than what is right. They do it because they do not see
any value in that person beyond what they want from him or her (yes, men get
raped, too), and this, this is where we fail every time we talk about any rape,
but specifically the Steubenville case.
We do not recognize that no one who sees past his own
pleasure, no one who recognizes the value and dignity of other people beyond
what those people can do for them, can harm another person the way they abused
that girl, and, to make it more disgusting, they did it for fun. It was just a
night of partying, and they expected to get away with it. Where I cry for these
boys is at a more fundamental level. I cry that they were convinced that it is
true that they cannot and should not have to control themselves around others.
If they want it, they should take it, especially if it involves sex. After all,
who doesn’t secretly want the golden boys, and how can they be asked to control
themselves in the face of drunken availability? What a load of crap to sell
those boys. They can control themselves.
They can treat a drunk girl the same way that they would likely treat their
drunk buddies, which is get them to a safe place, put a bucket next to the bed,
and tease them the next day by eating in front of them and making really loud
noises.
I read that one of
the boys’ mothers became hysterical during sentencing. I hope she was crying
not because of her son’s not remotely harsh enough punishment for his brutal
actions, but because at some point he failed to grasp that you don’t hurt other
people. People aren’t there for you to use however you please. If someone is at
a disadvantage, self-inflicted or otherwise, you take care of them. I hope she
wept because her son’s life was ruined long before he raped that girl. I hope
she raged because he had become a person who thought it was fun to assault
another human being. I hope his mama sobbed because she is ashamed and disappointed,
not because he has to face the music for forever changing the life of a young
woman. Mostly, I hope she cried for that girl, and all the others like her, who
are raped by young men who have not been taught the value of another person.
