So, You're Not A Feminist

I’ve noticed a somewhat disturbing trend most of my life. Women about my age and younger proudly declaring they are not feminists. Women in college and in the workforce who wanted to let you know that when Rush Limbaugh hollered about feminazis who still gave a damn about equal pay for equal work they weren’t one of those women. After all, they liked men. They had boys who were friends and boyfriends. Many later went on to have husbands, all the while letting the world know that we didn’t *need* feminism in the US of A, anymore. We have the right to vote and we can be anything we want to be, right?

Even then my head would spin right round, baby, right round like a record baby right round. First of all, why is there an assumption that women who care about equality regardless of one’s genitalia hate men? There is really absolutely nothing to support that assumption. We may dislike men who assume they have authority over us simply because they have penises (penii?) and we have, wait for it, VAGINAS, but that is actually more of a dislike of a cultural construct and an attitude than an entrenched hatred of, or even battle with, an entire sex. Also, just to be accurate and show my scholarly roots, it really is properly feminisms. We are privileged to not have to discuss things like access to health care (Wait no, that’s not right...), equality in the workforce (Hmmm… 70something cents on the dollar compared to men doing the exact. same. jobs?), equal representation in places of power (Ummmm, *some* counts, right?). Okay, seriously, we really do have it better than women in many other countries where women have far fewer choices than we do (Hey, at least we can drive ourselves places!), but we don’t do those women or ourselves any favors by pretending that inequality is dead in this country.

As a matter of fact, I would posit that the attitude by too many of my peers that we didn’t need feminism anymore has helped contribute to the current “war on women.” You don’t think it’s real? What about when a poorly written piece of legislation ends up requiring that you receive an additional ultrasound to relive the horror of your missed miscarriage before you get your D&C to clear everything out so that you don’t get an infection? How about when you have to supply a doctor’s note to you or your husband’s employer so that your prescribed medication that is actually part of your insurance plan can be covered by your insurance? Mind you, the insurance plan already has any pertinent information. This little violation of your privacy would just be so your employer feels better about what you and your doctor have decided is best for you. You wouldn’t have to do it for heart or cholesterol medicine. That would be against the law, but it’s okay to violate HIPAA if it involves your lady parts. We can’t name them too many times. The wives of Republican lawmakers in MI might read the word vagina and that would be awful. Many in my generation, and those that have come after, quit fighting for things to get better because they were afraid of being accused of unsavory things, content with their lot, or both, and in the process of declaring feminism dead and unnecessary, they put it on life-support and have made it more necessary than ever.

We have the worst maternity leave in the industrialized world. We have the worst protections for working moms. We have a pregnant woman named CEO of a major company (Yahoo!- both my exclamation upon hearing the news and the name of the company) who feels the need to announce that she isn’t even taking the substandard maternity leave that is mandated (Boo!). She’ll only take a few weeks, and she’ll work right through it. Some would argue that CEOs don’t get the same life-work balance as the rest of us, and I would say that that is actually a HUGE problem because a CEO who doesn’t have it usually sets the tone for the company. Life-work balance is absolutely necessary, and it is another area where the US sorely lags behind many other countries, but that is another blog post. Now, she absolutely has the right to work as much or as little as she sees fit. She has resources at her disposal that many other WOHM don’t. That little fact won’t matter to people who want to chase women out of the workforce by keeping our horrible maternity and family leave policies in place. They will point to this example and say, “See, you don’t need six weeks leave or accommodation for your severe sciatica! She didn’t need anything. If you can’t handle it, here’s the door or your glass ceiling. Have fun, dear.”

Some will also say, “This wouldn’t be a big deal if it were a man with a baby on the way.” That, unfortunately, is true. It is a big deal that she was pregnant, disclosed it, and was offered the job anyway because, despite the fact that it is 100% illegal, people discriminate against pregnant women when it comes to job offers and promotions on a daily basis. Expectant fathers don’t face the same bias, or frankly, the same pressure to be the parent who is there (again, this is a post for another day). I also happen to think it’s awful that new dads are rarely given, or expected to take, leave. It is required by law that they be allowed up to 12 weeks, unpaid, which is exactly what every company is legally required to offer women. Most women who take “paid” maternity leave have saved up their paid time off (vacation, sick days, personal days, etc.) to do it, and if they stay out the whole twelve weeks are likely taking at least some unpaid time off. 

The big problem is that it pits women against each other. Again. It has also brought up the whole SAHM vs. WOHM thing. Again. There are mothers out there with high-powered careers, and they would be being dishonest if they didn’t say that that meant sacrificing time with their children, just as the fathers with high-powered careers do. I would be being dishonest of I didn’t say that my decision to SAH has affected my lifetime earning potential, my ability, and even my desire to have a high-powered career. What American feminism has bought us is the ability to make these choices, and the ability to choose to not have a family at all if that isn’t right for us. What we seem to be missing is that not only are women in important positions still enough of an anomaly that it makes headlines for days, but that when they make it we have to debate all of their choices. Are they mothers (Whether or not one is a parent will always be mentioned for a woman, but not for a man)? If not, are they still of child-bearing age? If they are no longer able to have children and don’t have any, they will have far fewer distractions after all (again with the fact that the distraction of having children is not figured into the decision to hire an equally qualified man).  If they are mothers, let’s question their abilities both as mothers and as employees. We don’t debate the choices of the men who climb the corporate ladder. We don’t make men feel unwelcome and scrutinized just because they are men. We do it to women, though, and we call that a huge step in the right direction because they are even in the positions to begin with. This, my friends, is not the sign of a country that no longer needs feminism.

Also, it almost always comes down to appearances. People will mention how attractive (or not) the powerful woman is. It is rare to hear, “Steve Smith, the new CEO of ACME Sprockets is a bronzed, Greek god,” yet I do know the new CEO of Yahoo! is not only pregnant, but a “blonde beauty.” I can rest easier knowing that they didn’t hire some hag.

While we have many choices in this country thanks to those bra-burning, marching women (and those who came before them) whom so many of my sisters are afraid of resembling, we are backsliding. We need to make sure we have real choices. I choose to be a SAHM. Someone else chooses to have a career, with or without children. We are all respected for our choices, rather than criticized (within reason; if you kick puppies for a living, I will criticize you). Equal pay for equal work is a reality. We have access to healthcare unfettered by politics. Our bodies are not hyper-sexualized and air-brushed to the point that no one can meet those expectations. Rape is seen as a serious crime and not a messy “he-said/she-said” or “Well, you *were* wearing *that*!” These things, amongst many other feminist ideas, are my dream. We need to be vigilant. We need to take back our rights that our foremothers won and that are slipping away before our eyes, and fight for the rest, ladies. I *am* a feminist, and I am damn proud of it, and I think you should be too.  

Speaking of Free Speech

“I have a right to my opinion!”

“Excuse me, I thought this was a free country!”

“What about freedom of speech?”

You may have heard or seen these arguments or some variation on them when you have witnessed or been a part of a disagreement. I feel that it is especially prevalent online, so let me explain a few things. Outside of libel if you’re writing, slander if you’re speaking, revealing classified info if you have access to it, threatening someone’s life, screaming “Bomb!” in an airport, and a few other special cases, you do indeed have the right to say and/or write whatever you desire without intervention from the government. That last bit is key. Freedom of speech and expression is not, nor should it be, freedom from others expressing their disagreement with you. It is also not Freedom from Facts. You can believe the earth is flat. You can spout off about it, quote the “scientist” who wrote a book about it, and post links from the Flat Earth Society, but you will still be wrong, and people will tell you that you are. They are not infringing on your right to free speech by exercising their own.

 Like many rights, it comes with consequences. If you are posting on Facebook, for instance, you need to abide by their terms of service, or your content can be removed. In extreme cases, your account can be terminated. This bit of information happens to be true all over the internet, and is also likely true of your contract with your ISP. You can say what you like, but if you don’t abide by the rules, which you have agreed to follow, you can lose your services. The government isn’t shutting down your Facebook account because you posted your Hustler spread. Facebook is because you violated their TOS. Whether one agrees with the restrictions and enforcements of the terms of service of various websites and ISPs is a different topic.  In addition, some people’s opinions of you may change after you explain why you believe the earth is flat. As a matter of fact, some people may not even like you anymore. It is not an infringement on your rights, but it is a consequence of your actions. To put it another way, you can smoke, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t get cancer.

Also, to paraphrase pretty much every speech from the Voice of Reason to a Superhero, with great power comes great responsibility. The freedom to say and believe what you want is power. It is one that much of the rest of the world doesn’t have. Don’t believe me? Ask a Syrian. When you are not responsible with that power, you can do terrible, hurtful things. At best, when you just say things to say them, without expressing your thoughts civilly, with no desire to check for inaccuracies or logical fallacies, and without making sure that you are not needlessly hurting someone (sometimes the truth hurts, but it is necessary to tell it for the Greater Good, in keeping with the Superhero theme of this paragraph), you look like an idiot. At worst, you become a Supervillain of the information age, spreading lies and inaccurate information, engaging in ad hominem attacks, treating the slippery slope argument as if it were a god, rather than a smokescreen, and just generally contributing to the serious lack of civil discourse we are experiencing in this country. When someone finally stands up, takes off his or her glasses, puts on the spandex, very politely but pointedly makes known all the inaccuracies, and states the truth, the Supervillain retreats behind free speech, attempting to hide behind the mantle he or she has just sullied. In the end, the Supervillain is a coward who yells, “I thought this was a free country!” rather than actually respond to anything that could challenge him or her. Those lines should be reserved for times when there is an actual abuse of power, like the infamous pepper spraying of the college students. They are not to be used when someone merely disagrees with you.

All that being said, I love comments, and I do hope people will comment on my blog when they feel compelled to do so; however, if I feel that what is being said is not respectful to me, other commenters, or anyone else, I reserve the right to delete your comments. Those are MY terms of service, in addition to the Blogger TOS. If you possess it, you can take your vitriol someplace else.