One night while chatting w/ my friend Sara, who has a lovely
blog about her Fulbright year in Mexico City at http://gringaescandalosa.blogspot.com/,
she and I decided, for various and sundry reasons, that we should be NPR
correspondents/hosts/commentators, but that our names were not up to the task.
It suddenly occurred to me that we should create a way to come up w/ our own
NPR correspondent names, and here we are. If you too have always wanted to be
on-air at NPR, please read on, and feel free to share your new name in the
comments.
1. Is your name alliterative? If so, you’re done.
Apply for the next opening you see at http://www.npr.org/about/careers/,
and take your place next to the likes of Scott Simon, Louisa Lim, Korva
Coleman, and Carl Kasell, amongst others.
1a. If you used a family name, would you
have an alliterative name? I am in with Heather Hansen. Say it out loud. You can absolutely hear how
right, “I’m Heather Hansen for NPR,” sounds. It is much better than either my
maiden or married names.
1b. Would changing the first letter of your
last name work? Gary Wright becoming Gary Gright is a bit of a stretch. You
should probably move on to the next rule if switching out letters would cause
your name to be unpronounceable or awkward.
2.
Is your name spelled a little unusually or do
you have a slightly different pronunciation of your name than others w/ the
same spelling of your name? This rule is tricky because this has to be true,
without being obnoxious. The spelling and pronunciation have to make sense, but
just be a little uncommon. Liane Hansen, who is now retired, and Michele Norris
are both good examples of this rule. If your name is pronounced Amy, but spelled
Eighmiegh, you’ve gone a little (okay, a lot) too far.
2a. Can you create an alternate spelling or
pronunciation of your name that fits the Liane/Michele guidelines?
3.
Can you turn your name into a punny product that
could be sold in the NPR Shop? If you need examples, think the Susan Stam-Bag http://shop.npr.org/npr-gear/susan-stam-bag/or
the Nina Totin-Bag http://shop.npr.org/bags-totes/the-nina-totin-bag/.
Also, Sara and I think NPR is totally missing the boat on some products they
could sell. How about a Lakshmi Singh-ing Bowl? A Scott Simon Says game? A
Korva Coleman grill? A Neal Conan the Barbarian figure? The Marco Worm-farm
(which would, of course, double as a “green gift” and as an addition to the
“gifts for gardeners”)? The Ira Glass Cleaner (this should probably be a “green
gift” as well)?
4.
Is your name Ira? If not, and nothing else
listed works, you must change your name to Ira to give yourself that
competitive edge when applying for a position with America’s finest news
organization.
