My Valentine To All The Parents Out There

        Valentine’s Day is almost upon us. For many American parents, that means that we now need to think about what to do for the parties at our children’s schools, daycares, etc. It also means that we are about to enter a snark-filled parenting, but mostly mommy, skirmish. On the one side, you’ll see the people who create cute, lovely, homemade valentines, some with the help of their children, others without. Many come with small gifts or treats attached. They are pretty awesome. At the other end of the spectrum, you will find the parent who grabs a pack of cards at the store while buying groceries or shampoo. I have been both of those parents for different Valentine’s Day parties. Let me let you in a little secret: Neither one is superior to the other.

          We worry so much about whether we are doing the right things, or even if we’re on the right track, are we doing enough? It is easy to let insecurity take hold, and I see it in copious amounts this time of the year. The crafty parents make or assist with fabulously adorable creations for their children to give to their classmates. They probably even made something extra-special for the teacher, classroom assistant and maybe even other staff members. They post their creations on social media and receive kudos in various forms. Then, there is the inevitable backlash.

          The parents who do not enjoy that sort of thing become defensive. Must be nice to have that sort of time they grumble (because prioritizing time differently is a sin worthy of Dante’s Hell in this world). They then start talking about how their kids will NEVER have something like cutesy, homemade valentines because they love their kids too much to waste time on something so frivolous that nobody, besides the other parents, even notices.  They often make their point while pretending to be self-deprecating and humorous. It’s okay to be rude if you’re funny, dammit!

          The crafters become defensive in return and volley snark about how it isn’t that hard to take the time to make something, including and especially, memories w/ your children, but the boxed-card buyers are too busy to make that special time for their children. Isn’t it worth a slightly, or very, late bedtime to do something for the children? While some of them do this in a similar self-deprecating manner to the non-crafter, many are dripping so heavily with sincerity that they could bottle it and sell it as the newest fragrance.

          Here’s the thing: We all have our strengths and weaknesses as parents. I made cute, crafty valentines, complete w/ treats with my oldest. Then, my middle son started school, and I also had an infant. That Valentine’s Day, as I wrangled dutiful craftiness, a cluster-feeding three-month-old, a nearly five-year-old, and a two-and-a-half-year-old, I realized that this had stopped being a positive and fun experience for me and my children. Why? It was because it now felt like something I had to do, and the boys really didn’t care as long as they had something to take to school.

This year, with all three children in school, we will have to provide nearly ninety valentines. I picked some up yesterday at Aldi while I was grocery shopping for the week. Last year, the boys wanted to cut out construction paper hearts, use doilies, stamps, stickers, etc. so we did, and it was fun. This year, they are super-excited about their boxed cards. The only thing that matters is that they are happy with what they are taking to school. If one or all of them had requested a craft, and they sometimes do, we would have made time for that. Since none of them did, this week is insane so if crafting were going to happen it needed to start a while ago, and, oh yeah, that number ninety keeps popping up, we skipped lovely and hand-made, and went for convenient and cheap.

          I was not a better mother for creating super-cute valentines with dried fruit, crackers, or popcorn. I am not somehow ironically superior for grabbing cheap cards at Aldi this year. I don’t have more or less time now than I did then. I am just their mom doing what needs to be done in the manner that works best for my family at that point in time, and you know what? They love me for it. They love me because I do my best for that day for them every day. Some days that means crafts, other days it may mean a fabulous meal, sometimes we have baking days, others we dance or run or go to the park, sometimes I throw chicken nuggets and French fries in the oven while letting them watch an extra program, and most days are a combination of things. Regardless, every night they tell me they love me and want hugs and kisses. Every day they pay me lovely compliments because they know that no matter what we are doing, it is being done with love. Things aren’t ever perfect, but we always have love.

          My valentine to all the other parents out there is this: You are awesome no matter what your kids are taking to school on Friday because you are providing what works for your family, and they love you for it. I promise. Happy Valentine’s Day.